Last Summer, my partner and I were driving down a country road and came across a small Lavender Farm. By small, I mean their plants are only 4 years old. It is a very new crop for them. I was intrigued by the cute purple signage and picturesque landscape of the farm, so we decided to drive in and check it out. It was late August, and the lavender was not in bloom, but they had a store inside of their the barn. I was feeling brave and decided to go inside and much to my surprise, I didn’t have a reaction! There I was having this deeply sensory experience that wasn’t making me sick. That day really marked a big big step in my recovery. The farmer showed us around the farm and explained the distillation process and the history of the land and his family’s connection to it. There was a huge outdoor distiller and the rows of lavender grew in the background. I was awestruck. I thought it was literally the most beautiful place I had ever seen and all at once, I imagined my life magically unfolding in purple fields as I stood there intoxicated with the place.
The possibility of place is really powerful when you don’t belong and there isn’t any place for you. When everything around you makes you sick and leaves you holed up in a room with an air purifier for days. When you can’t even walk around your own block in your neighbourhood without getting sick. When you can only access your own backyard for a short time, a few days of the week. The possibility of there being a place for me brings me to tears.
It makes me cry.
That lavender farm represented ‘place’ for me.
We bought two 1st year lavender plants from the farm and took them home and planted them in the garden. I fantasized about lavender for many months to come and occasionally stuck my nose into a jar of lavender tea over the winter months to inhale it and remember the day and the place (again without reacting). Winter came and I started germinating lavender seeds inside the house. I was inspired by the plant and I experienced great calm and pleasure while envisioning row upon row of of purple. I germinated soooo many seeds that I ended up not having enough space for all the plants when Spring came and had to give them away!
The lavender plants that I grew from seed are already bigger than the plant (now in its second year) that we got from the farm! They are doing so well. I hope they all survive this coming winter. I love lavender plants. They don’t don't like to be fussed over and coddled indoors. They want to be in the earth and left alone once rooted. Best plant ever. The farmer told me that lavender is not easy to germinate from seed, so I guess I am doing something right.
I love germinating seeds indoors during the late winter. It fills me with hope for Spring. It connects me to the earth during really isolated times. Last winter was particularly hard on me. Our neighbourhood has a lot of homes that use wood stoves for heating and unfortunately, I am extremely intolerant to burning wood, burning anything really. Burning in general causes me to have reactions. Between the wood stoves, the excessive idling of vehicles, diesel fumes from snowblowers and the small flood in our basement last winter, I was pretty sick, housebound and holed up with my air purifier. I am always grateful for indoor growing and the chance to touch earth and watch seeds come into being. It is especially satisfying during those long, late winter days when everyone is quite ready for Spring!! In many ways, I think I might even love the germination of seedlings better than the actual plants once they are in the ground! I love new baby plants!
Lavender has played an important role in my recovery and my healing journey over the last year and for my birthday all I wanted was to return to the Lavender Farm, surrounded by people who love me. I wanted to have a picnic beside the purple fields and to walk slowly up and down the rows of lavender. I wanted to bring together people that I felt supported by during the last two years and share space with them. I didn’t actually know whether or not I would tolerate the lavender fields when they were in bloom, but it seemed worth the risk to me. Luckily, the day was perfect. I felt loved and supported. I don’t know if everyone really knew how much the day meant to me or not. There haven’t really been parties in my ES/MCS world, so that day was pretty special to me and was certainly the highlight of the last two years of my life.
I was happy.
I felt loved.
I was born in strawberry season, but in the years to come, I would like to always celebrate my birthday during lavender season instead.
Love.
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| Group selfie from the my Lavender birthday party. That is me, in the front wearing the red hat. We are all blinded by the sun! |
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